I love arguing. The first thing I ever told my parents I
wanted to be was a lawyer. Not a fireman, a superhero or police man. The idea
of arguing for a living was beyond appealing. For years I told myself I wanted
to be a lawyer because I could speak well and the idea that I could potentially
save someone’s life by arguing and making a point filled with me desire. I used
to read abundantly as well. In fact, in the sixth grade I was second in AR
points (a system that assigned books points based on the number of pages and the
difficulty level). Eventually I intentionally dumbed myself down to avoid the mockery
given to the kids with advanced vocabularies—a decision I consider one of my
worst of all time. I swear this ties into what I learned this year, just give
me a little more time to elaborate. Since my childhood, my enjoyment of reading
has decreased and the idea of having to read through binders of court cases
ruined the appeal of the occupation of a lawyer. Since I decided to quit
pursuing a legal career—the closest I now come is watching Suits— I
never really thought twice about wanting to become a lawyer until the other day
when I was talking to my father on the phone. On a side note, it is actually
amazing what you can learn from your parents if you actually listen to what
they say. Back to the topic, my father mentioned how I used to be obsessed with
becoming a lawyer and I realized I was right for wanting to not become a
lawyer, just not for the right reasons. This year I intentionally surrounded
myself with others that I knew would induce arguments and controversy. What I
originally thought would fill my inner craving for argumentation has led to an inability
to focus and an even larger desire for peace and quiet. I now know that I don’t
actually seek argument per say, but a large workload. My whole life I have
confused arguing with a large workload because of the quick thinking required
in an on the spot argument. Although a career of trying to prove a point
appears beyond enticing, I do not want to live my life enveloped by constant
refutations. In moments of chaos I do find peace, but there is only so much
peace that can form as the result of chaos. One of my best abilities is to slow
time down, and in those overwhelming moments I am truly able to find structure
and a solution to the multiple problems at hand. When it comes to mid-terms or
weeks where I have multiple tests, yes I lose more sleep than the average week,
but I do not worry because I can always keep my eye on the end result. It is so
weird how much the difficulty of school can increase within such a short amount
of time. I was talking to my roommates about this the other day and it seems as
if last year our time was beyond abundant in comparison to this year where we
find ourselves consistently sleep deprived. To coin a football term, my “Strength of
schedule” has definitely increased, but I find that the end results should be
much worth the additional difficulty. Although I tell myself I would prefer
last year, the truth is, I wouldn’t. The entropy this year has brought has been
at the least, a blessing in disguise. My time management and organizational
skills have dramatically increased, I have become more true to myself and my
real personality has shown. Although my current argumentative environment is
now a setback and experience I have without a doubt learned from this year, the
chaos that originally led me to think was disrupting my ability to enjoy this
year is actually a main contributor to almost any pleasure I find. Although
this is a lesson learned outside of the classroom, as a result of this year I
have gained an increase of knowledge about myself and what I desire from my
environment.
No comments:
Post a Comment